They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
