You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
