He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
