So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
