I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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