I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
