she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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