I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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