also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
