Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
