clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
