you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
