There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize