All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
