You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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