I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize