you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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