she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
