I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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