She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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