just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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