You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
