I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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