ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
