I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my shit smells like andre
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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