If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
