i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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