Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
