remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize