And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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