sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
