wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
