Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
