I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
