Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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