Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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