I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why is half of my head shaved?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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