hotel room ftw
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
