He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
