I can text with my tongue
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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