it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
smell my finger.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
