I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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