Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
