Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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