i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
