I didn't shave. On purpose
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
