You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
