all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
be right there i have to get my cape
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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