I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
