If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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