I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
