Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize