My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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