k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
