She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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