He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
