Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
