Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
