i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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