Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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