Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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