So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize