She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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