pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
