you traded sex for a burrito?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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