false alarm. still invincible.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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