i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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