it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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